HOLD EVERYTHING!!!

THIS IS AN EPIC SHOUTOUT TO ALL MY FELLOW SANDVICH LOVERS!!
I have done it. An act of midnight hunger has caused me to take a leap into the unknown, to do something rash, bold, and absolutely foolhardy some might say...
It took some balls to try this on a whim, to put so much meat, bread and topping tasteyness at risk... for flavourful fillingness...
Extracting the perfect slice of baloney from the packaging, I fetched the bread to finish my masterwork combo off with mayo, when I discovered to my absolute horror... there was no mayo!
I had to think of something... Mustard makes a decent substitute for mayo with baloney, so I went to grab that... and saw the awesome guiness bullseye barbecue sause that is the best BBQ sause ever!
I wondered what it would taste like on the baloney, when a revolutionary thought struck...
The mustard... AND the sause!
And then I realized there was some salami left in the packaging of 3-meats... So, rather than let it go to waste in some other thin, unfufilling sandvich later on, I slapped all 4 pieces on the baloney (2 above, 2 below, cross-wise to maintain the crucial balance nessisary for the sandwich's very stability!) then tried the 2 toppings together on my fingers... First one, then the other, then both at once!
... I spread the BBQ sause on one slice of bread with a knife, then the mustard on the other slice, revelled in my masterpiece (Which would've been perfect, had I been able to find the oloves for that decorative thingy XD) then gave it purpose, as I took a bite...
You have to try it for yourself to know the indescribable amazement that went on in my mouth... It was filling, the zangyness of the mustard with the sweet spice of the BBQ sause... ohh <3
It was like the golden sandvich...
But how is this mere sandvich, you may ask, so significant to society, as to be revolutionary? It's just food? Right? WRONG!
We as a society need progress, motion, and as anyone who has taken advanced molecular physics already knows, all motion needs a push, a source of energy, a 'fuel'... And this brings me to the topic of the sandvich (aka "Sandwich" in proper english, or others in other languages and cultures) the source of all energy. That's right, because all of modern day society for the last hundred or so years has been comprised of stacking some things on top of the other, smothering it with some gooey, delicious substance, and eating it. More importantly, sandviches are a flawless source of this driving energy of all human beings, like it or not. It is a physical impossibility to hate a sandvich, as to do so would be to hate all food as we know it! Unless you're a cripple drinking slurr through his arm in a tube, or someone whose house was burnt down by the notoreous sandwich mafia, then I'm sorry, you don't know what you're missing out on.
All in all, to have a sandwich, fully customizable to your very specific needs, limited only by your imagination, stomach, and refridgerator contents, is a surefire way to succeed in all that you do, including career, school, socializing, isolization, play, lovemaking, giving sandwich-related lectures, and much, much more!
Because as said by the great and reknowned sandvich philosopher: "I am full of sandvich, and I am coming for you!"
Anyway, just wanted to share this little midnight snack adventure with you. Midnight when nobody's watching: Perfect time for a revolution!
-Baltean out